Fallen feathers: A painful break-up.

Fallen Feather

Dear ____,

There will be times where I will miss you. There will be times where I will find myself thinking of your face.

If anger is unresolved, well, I hope it’s at least wrapped up in a pretty box and sent to God to deal with my vulnerabilities: a set of dysfunctional screams and unresolved pain.

I hope I keep my prayers for you and not keep on hating you or bottling up my hatred towards you.

You may read this letter or you will never read it. Who knows.

You have ended something in my heart, and somehow, I couldn’t quite figure out what is that. A sigh? A release? A cry? A butterfly breaking free in seconds? Splatters of colors is how I defined the mix of my emotions.

The silence you awarded into my heart, the unanswered questions has made me cold and confused. But I shall not dwell on it anymore.

Is this Deja vu? Was this meant to be in a sense that I am destined to face you, or are you an angel given as a challenge for me to understand my biggest fears and myself?

For a while, I was lost. I stop writing my blog, I stop thinking of my goals and I start losing myself.

The silence you presented is painful and somehow the pain is indescribable. It is a slow consuming one, as if during the next minute I will see you in front of me looking at me like you used to but this time it will be different, you will be a distant memory, a stranger faraway. It’s like I don’t know you anymore.

Breaking up is a truly excruciating process, it is like the perfect image broken into pieces and your house toppled all over.

I still think of you often and I don’t think it’s good to keep on thinking of you anymore.

It’s time to say goodbye. Goodbye to pain, goodbye to silence. And finally, a goodbye to you.

Signing off, Wan Shin with pain.

***

Do scroll down, and you will find a youtube video to Yuna’s “Langit #flying high”, a tribute to MH370 & MH17; and at the same time, the perfect song to describe my feeling after this break-up.

For those of you out there who are still thinking about your exes, do listen to this song during grieving, I also hope the song comes as a comfort to those who are grieving for the lost of MH370 & MH17.

Here are the lyrics of this song:

I can see the sky
The bird are flying

Cloud are moving by my heart is light
The moon will be my witness tonight

In my dream i see myself fly

Terbang terbang tinggi walau
Tanah di kaki kan ku cari langit
Terbang terbang tinggi
Awan biru menanti bersama pelangi

Always thought that i
Could be your my own
They make me feel alive
And i dont feel alone

The moon will be my witness tonight
Coz in my dream you and i we’re both fly

Terbang terbang tinggi
Walau tanah di kaki kan ku cari langit
Terbang terbang tinggi
Awan biru menanti bersama pelangi

Terbang terbang tinggi
Walau tanah di kaki kan ku cari langit
Terbang terbang tinggi
Awan biru menanti bersama pelangi

I can see the sky
The bird are flying

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