Healing the Broken <3

There are a lot of things that requires attention but often people forgot about the heart.

That is where the troubles and pain comes from, at the same time, that is also where beautiful things come from too. For the bible says “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Matthew 6:21.

“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” Psalms 34:18.

For whatever reasons, when the heart grieves, or when the heart voices out, God always hears our cry and looks at it nakedly, just as you are.

There are some things better said then done, However when it comes to the heart matters, it can be downright simple or downright complicated. For me, I really do wish it is downright simple but in the process of healing, it certainly is not. It is the power to love again and to keep the conscience to love yourself to really understand who that inner child is and to keep a conversation with the past and to keep yourself vulnerable and yet equally open to hurts and wounds as well. To me that was hard.

For a lot of us, including me myself, we all have a lot of past hurt still remaining. Most of them are usually because we kept strong, and denied talking ourselves into an emotional battle and our inner childs. I, myself am still making the effort to look myself in the mirror and to tell myself who I am, my real identity: The child of God. And that God loves me very much that he has given up his one and only son.

The most important thing about self healing is when you identify which part of you was hurting during your childhood memories or even the recent ones. Please do not judge yourselves and set the fire on yourselves before really inspecting the situation and choose the empathy side who does not take sides but understands both sides. Give yourselves some time to identify those situations, most of the time, God will reveal to you when you ask for it. And then during those times, there is often the inner child where you either ignore or when you were dominant over the situation and forgot to soothe the child leaving the after-impacts.

If you still have hatred and pain towards the other side, please take time to heal before really talking to them. And if they still choose to go on to their own paths of an abusive relationship with you, PLEASE LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP. Do not choose to stay on when all they had was their abusive waste on you. YOU ARE NOT A TRASH CAN TO TAKE THEIR EMOTIONS AND THEIR PAST HURTS.  If your words don’t take effect on them, it might as well be good enough to leave the relationship and to put it on hold until they completely heal themselves. People forget that relationships can hurt from the family side too and friends not only romantic relationships. The level of negativity in a relationship will affect you at some point in your life especially if it’s more than what you can handle.

It is not easy to stop talking or to leave such a relationship because they will start blaming you without saying sorry or daring to confront you with their problems. If that’s the case, leave it first at that. Focus on what you have to do and focus on all the good things in your life. Find a support group and always surround yourselves with people who genuinely care and love you. Where negativity thrives, there is also love outside there which is much more stronger in fact ten times stronger than hatred and pain. Always choose love, don’t choose hate. But if you are in the situation where you still hate, give yourself some time, understand that you need time to heal as well, choose to forgive and put the matter on side first. And let the healing begin.

Psalms 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

“Your most profound and intimate experiences of worship will likely be in your darkest days – when your heart is broken, when you feel abandoned, when your out of options, when the pain is great – and you turn to God alone.” ~ Rick Warren

P.S:When the heart is broken, there is usually a great revealing from God coming soon. Promise me to accept the gift with an open hand, okay?

 

 

 

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Approaching to the End of 2016

Approaching to the end of 2016, there are a lot of things for me to ponder upon.

2016 was not easy for me, it was a huge challenge if not, a career shift and a new start to a long road down to my dreams.

Though the journey was certainly not easy, being that there is so many ups and downs and shifts of emotions in changing job, I felt a need to list out a few things in which I am thankful about.

  1. I am grateful for having a beautiful boyfriend who always stands by my side to support me, feed me and to love me as who I am without judging me first. (I am always surprised by his magnitude to love me as I am and to forgive me as we go along our relationship.)
  2. I am grateful for a myself to go to church on a daily basis to receive the words and blessings of my church friends and the bible.
  3. I am grateful for a God who continually loves me and pushes me forward regardless of my challenges and trials.
  4. I am grateful for my piano teacher who never gave up on me even thought I tried to retake my ATCL performance cert again, who always supports me and continually to nurture me with her advise and her love the best way she could.
  5. I am grateful for my housemates and my house owner who tolerated my piano playing in such a long term gruesome practice.
  6. I am also grateful for myself to make the decision to move out and to live alone, although it was scary and I wasn’t sure I was going to make it, but I did it!
  7. I am grateful for mother who provided me financial support for my dreams and my work and blessing me when I felt like a failure.
  8. I am grateful for my best friend who stood by me when I needed someone or when I didn’t dare to voice out and hears my complaints continuously and continue to love me as I am.
  9. I am grateful for my leader who stood out and took the time to look out for me and ask how was I doing.
  10. Lastly, I am grateful for all the challenges that I faced as a Yamaha group class teacher because it certainly made me into a stronger person and a more social person to take up trials, the challenges also made me realized a new-found love: The Electone! (Beautiful instrument where you can have the melody, bass line and the accompaniment together!)

At the turn of your trials and challenges, what should you be grateful too at the same time? Who are the people who stood by yourself and choose to love you instead? Instead of focusing on things we cannot control, why not we remember what we have in hand, those priceless and valuable relationships you have?

Real struggles in life

Recently, I just realize there are different struggles in everyone’s life.

For me now is my diploma for piano. (I am taking ATCL)

Hours and hours of practice has been put into it for perfection. And the practice hours are long and it takes a long time time for it to be completed.

The struggles in my life right now is to complete this exam that I have been involving myself into and to focus on distinction.

As are struggles, we all are trying to achieve something in our lives and trying our best to do something where we can be the best of who we are. I hope you have are achieving something as well.

And if that’s the case I wish you would succeed and be the best of who you will become.

Here’s a song from the Pixar’s inside out as an encouragement for you as we grow in life as a better we:

Growing up again: My graduation.

“Children are wonderfully confident in their own imaginations. Most of us lose this confidence as we grow up.”

Sir Ken Robinson

Growth is not easy but it is always worth celebrating. Let’s not lose our imaginations and our child-like spirit even after we reach adulthood and enter the working force.

As time flies, unknowingly, it is my graduation! And I was glad and am blessed by my friends and family’s arrival. More than ever, I felt so blessed by this life of many colors and this bittersweet phase of my life. My uni life has not been easy in Taylor’s Lakeside.

There’s the assignments, deadlines and it is a balance and management of my life, piano, church and my studies.

And then it was the break-up that broke my heart that made it grow and became wiser in who I want to become.

When I look back, I felt stronger and so much more alive. I know I grew more in my relationships.

Here are some of the pictures of my graduation day:

P.S: I received some flowers from my boyfriend the moment I walked out. It was so sweet of him.

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Exposing my vulnerability: My fears.

Are there times when you think you have a little voice inside your head telling what you do? Or that sometimes you are unconsciously scared of something?

Today I am going to expose to you my fears. 🙂

There’s a thing about fear and how everyone has different ones. Do you have one as well? If you do, do share it below on the reply section. For me, to talk about my fears is like travelling into a deep tunnel and exposing my most inner self. So here goes nothing. :/ 🙂

1. I am scared of dreaming dark places with an evil atmosphere around it. Dreams_by_whisperfall

Dark places. Drowning. Falling down. Those are huge fears i have in my dreams even though I don’t hope for them to happen. I have dreamt of missing planes, ninja fights in a japanese teahouse, a hotel with a beach and a light beacon with a swimming pool inside it. Those are dark dreams that I dreamt about. Perhaps it reflects a part of me that is frighten and scared.

2. I fear of people seeing me naked.

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Well, there’s no explaining to that. Lol. The plain look of their eyes and the awkwardness and the full exposure of my body is unimaginable.

3. I fear of being alone for too long.

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Believe it or not, for the introvert I am, I have a limited time for quiet time. If the time is passed, I would literally just find anyone to speak my heart out and I would start babbling non-stop.

4. I fear of being scolded and shouted stupid in front of people.

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I have a tendency to babble and when I do that sometimes, my thoughts are messy and I asked simple questions that don’t actually mean what they meant, but it was actually the other way round. When I get nervous, I tend to get a blurry and cannot think properly—a habit of mine since young.

5. I fear of falling down just because I wasn’t concentrating on walking.

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At times, I felt as if I were flying (no, I am not on drugs, it just happens to me because I can get pretty imaginative) or floating in the air, and when I do that, I feel like my feet were useless and I can’t control them so I would trip myself on the floor,

6. I fear of not completing a task or a goal I have set myself to do.

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As far as my goals go, for me, sometimes the fear of failing to do them in time just because my mind jumps and gets distracted, would make myself really disappointed at times.

7. The fear of not waking in time or delaying certain class or work.

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I have had dreams of waking up and brushing my teeth and having breakfast only to wake up finding myself late and needing to do it all over again.

8. The fear of not being accepted for who I am.

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I think this is when my ego starts to step in and control me. 🙂 But really, there will be times someone will judge you for being you. That is the time when you need to stand up for yourself and start being yourself. This is where you really need to trust your own instincts and creativity of being who you are. You are worthy and you are a creation of God– at least this is what I believe in.

5 ways to resolve conflicts

Ever been hurt by a buddy or a co-worker who is against your idea?Well.. I have experienced such occurrences where conflicts occur and I didn’t know how to solve it.

Instead, I took it into heart and stop talking with the person.If such happenings occur to you again, I hope you will not deal it the same way that I did.

So after looking around for ways to resolve conflicts, I found a few, very useful ones for you.

Most of the time we can’t resolve conflicts is because we often focus on our negative feelings and we don’t express our anger properly.

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1. Tip of the iceberg: Are your hurtful feelings a treasure box keeping in all the resentments and stress? How long have you been angry with the other person? Is it professional or personal? If it’s professional, I suggest you talk straight on with the person and tell them why were you angry with the work in the first place. Here, it’s important to tell the person, that you are not angry with them personally, it’s just that the work is not what you want. From here on, you need to communicate with your team members and remind them that you are a team. If it’s personal, I suggest you to talk about it privately and express your feelings properly. Listen to the other person and tell them what you are not happy about. If it’s a minor thing, just let it go. If it’s not, then you would have to communicate with your friend/partner/family.

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2. Noting it down: Write down all your feelings and prepare to face them to see if it’s logical or worth your time and effort to keep it in your heart. If you feel that it’s your fault. Write it down and give it to the other person. Resolving a conflict, I believe always begins with the heart of wanting an improvement.

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3. Avoid blaming statements: Starting with the gun of- who’s right and wrong is never a good start of a conversation. Most disagreements are very one-sided. And it is really important to understand what the other side of the conversation is feeling and thinking. Understanding their perspectives and standing on their shoes is also important. But, it’s important to stand on your ground as well if it overrides your values and beliefs. You can understand without agreeing, resolve without following by listening to the other party.

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4. Allowing space: Put a space for them to express their feelings first. These feelings may not be right or wrong, but first, listen to it first.

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5. Accept the responsibility of making things better: This is so important especially to unresolved conflicts. This attitude stands as a mature foundation to understand each other better.

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Anyway, good luck on your way of resolving the conflict. I hope you don’t repeat the mistakes that I make.

Reference:

1.http://www.forbes.com/sites/tanyaprive/2012/12/19/top-10-qualities-that-make-a-great-leader/

2.http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200312/how-fix-your-hurt-feelings-1

Fallen feathers: A painful break-up.

Fallen Feather

Dear ____,

There will be times where I will miss you. There will be times where I will find myself thinking of your face.

If anger is unresolved, well, I hope it’s at least wrapped up in a pretty box and sent to God to deal with my vulnerabilities: a set of dysfunctional screams and unresolved pain.

I hope I keep my prayers for you and not keep on hating you or bottling up my hatred towards you.

You may read this letter or you will never read it. Who knows.

You have ended something in my heart, and somehow, I couldn’t quite figure out what is that. A sigh? A release? A cry? A butterfly breaking free in seconds? Splatters of colors is how I defined the mix of my emotions.

The silence you awarded into my heart, the unanswered questions has made me cold and confused. But I shall not dwell on it anymore.

Is this Deja vu? Was this meant to be in a sense that I am destined to face you, or are you an angel given as a challenge for me to understand my biggest fears and myself?

For a while, I was lost. I stop writing my blog, I stop thinking of my goals and I start losing myself.

The silence you presented is painful and somehow the pain is indescribable. It is a slow consuming one, as if during the next minute I will see you in front of me looking at me like you used to but this time it will be different, you will be a distant memory, a stranger faraway. It’s like I don’t know you anymore.

Breaking up is a truly excruciating process, it is like the perfect image broken into pieces and your house toppled all over.

I still think of you often and I don’t think it’s good to keep on thinking of you anymore.

It’s time to say goodbye. Goodbye to pain, goodbye to silence. And finally, a goodbye to you.

Signing off, Wan Shin with pain.

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Do scroll down, and you will find a youtube video to Yuna’s “Langit #flying high”, a tribute to MH370 & MH17; and at the same time, the perfect song to describe my feeling after this break-up.

For those of you out there who are still thinking about your exes, do listen to this song during grieving, I also hope the song comes as a comfort to those who are grieving for the lost of MH370 & MH17.

Here are the lyrics of this song:

I can see the sky
The bird are flying

Cloud are moving by my heart is light
The moon will be my witness tonight

In my dream i see myself fly

Terbang terbang tinggi walau
Tanah di kaki kan ku cari langit
Terbang terbang tinggi
Awan biru menanti bersama pelangi

Always thought that i
Could be your my own
They make me feel alive
And i dont feel alone

The moon will be my witness tonight
Coz in my dream you and i we’re both fly

Terbang terbang tinggi
Walau tanah di kaki kan ku cari langit
Terbang terbang tinggi
Awan biru menanti bersama pelangi

Terbang terbang tinggi
Walau tanah di kaki kan ku cari langit
Terbang terbang tinggi
Awan biru menanti bersama pelangi

I can see the sky
The bird are flying